What did we do last night that was yellow?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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