Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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