okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
