dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize