my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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