A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
