Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Found the puke drawer
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
