Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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