you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
