id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just gift wrapped bread.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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