i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
