She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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