even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Bring me that man meat
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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