We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
