She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
