Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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