I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
