Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
