Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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