If that was your dad, he is hot
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
