You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
