apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
