What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
