he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
