I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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