why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
