It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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