I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Boobs speak an international language.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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