Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Send help, water and tortillas.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize