i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
