I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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