you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
