Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
