it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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