Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
