i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
