Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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