i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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