So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
