fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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