She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
