I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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