Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They have beer where we have blood.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
