ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
