You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
