Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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