y did u give ur computer a hand job?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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