I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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