Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
