well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
