I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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