he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
