Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
