we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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