i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
