i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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