Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
