Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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