Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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