come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
