sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
