i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
