I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
