My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
