I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize