I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
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I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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