Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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